23 december 2024 - Daydreaming
I’m in a bad mood. We’re terrible at family things, like christmas. Not that there is any drama, or fights or anything, but we’re all just quiet people, who are wired differently. And we just kind of do what we do, without much appreciation. Like, I bring a bread I baked (I made it for friends, but half a loaf I brough home), and noone tries except for me it because it’s kind of late, and we already had bought bread so my dad advices me to slice it, because its better when you put it in the freezer. My brother’s not coming this year, he’s way up north with his girlfriend. That’s definitely more fun, but he wont be seeing our niece and nephew. And I’m not much better. Dad does most of the cooking, as I in some way just expect him to, but I don’t know if he enjoys it, doesn’t, or just does it. It’s always been like that, I remember feeling like I had to learn to say ”thank you” non-ironically when I was 12. Anyway my niece and nephew are super cute and fun (and exhausting) so it’s not all gloomy.
But that was not what I wanted to write about, I wanted to write about fantasies, like daydreaming. Making those little scenarios in your head. Making the things happen that don’t happen otherwise. And it’s a skill, maybe an ~artform~(TM), even. I know other people are really ”good” at this, some to the point they almost can’t stop it (like how strange aeons talked about reality shifting), but that’s not me. Maybe some other people can daydream really vividly, like actual dreaming, like lucid dreaming, but that’s not what I’m talking about, I can’t do that. Just good old imagining scenarios. It usually doesn’t work out like I want it to, but with enough time and the right setting and the right state of mind… It’s still pretty neat.
There is no better place to daydream than on a long train ride at the window seat, daytime enough so you can just gaze at the passing landscape. It’s enough stimulation that you don’t feel the need to look away, but it’s not distracting. Also you don’t feel like you should be doing anything else. I’m on vacation so I don’t need to work (also I hate working on the train, it feels stressful and uncomfortable and why would you waste such a good daydreaming opportunity?). Another good contender is of course the bed, but with the time that you need to get properly into it, I’d fall alseep if I was in bed. So, a long train ride (or backseat of a long car ride), that is step 1.
Then there is the music (or sound). When you manage to match the mood, maybe even helps the pacing, but again it can’t be too distracting. On the train here I started out with a few songs that I just wanted to hear, then I filled up the queue with the albums OK Computer by Radiohead, Charm by Clario, and finally Modern Vampires of the City by Vampire Weekend. Big fan of anything that feels dreamy, flowy, often psychedelic or romantic. Think Call it fate, Call it Karma by the Strokes. By the way, see, three albums? That’s quite some time.
This trainride daydreaming was so much more interesting than usual. My problem usually is that I don’t manage to rest in the plot well enough. I get sidetracked, I don’t find any convincing satisfying direction to take it, it gets stuck, maybe I fall alseep. Not this time. This bad boy had story progression, arcs. Holding back a little so the plot points really hit. A bit more yearning, you know. The feeling of getting sucked into a movie. But really, the story was progressing slowly, sometimes not moving at all, or repeating, and yet it wasn’t really a problem when I was swimming in the feeling. That’s maybe more the point, less than trying to produce a movie in your head. And tbh I feel like I made myself high or something. Whatever brain substances your body can produce, I feel like I maxed out then, and now all the serotonin or whatever has been used up or however it works (I mean, see tired introduction, maybe the nice hormones need to be replenished still?).